Pete Milano's Guide to Being a Movie Star Read online

  “Oh,” I said. “Well, she told me she’d get back to me later. Do you want me to tell her never mind?”

  “No,” Ashley said, shaking her head. “If Iris has already talked to Sheldon, it’s too late. And if Sheldon thinks it’s a good idea, then it’s officially a good idea.”

  She walked away, muttering. I couldn’t quite tell what she was saying, but it sounded something like, “I knew I should have gone to dental school.”

  29

  MATH PROBLEM

  THAT NIGHT, Ashley texted to tell me the plan was a go.

  The next day at school, I couldn’t wait to tell everyone. I counted the seconds until lunch. This was going to be good. I was going to be a total hero.

  “I have an announcement to make,” I announced, five seconds after everyone sat down.

  Everyone at the table looked up.

  “You’ll no longer be signing autographs?” asked Charlie Joe.

  “Ha-ha,” I said.

  “You’re changing your name to Marlon Brando Milano?” Katie suggested. I didn’t know what that meant.

  “Knock it off, you guys, I’m serious.” I waited for a second, to let the drama build (Shana taught me that). Then I looked at Mareli, to make sure she was paying attention. She was.

  “Okay, here goes: Who wants to be in the movie?”

  Everyone stopped eating, mid–fish stick.

  “What do you mean, be in the movie?” asked Charlie Joe. He was always the fastest to recover from a shocking piece of news.

  “I mean, I asked the producers if you guys could be in the movie, and they said yes.”

  “I don’t believe you,” said Timmy.

  “Neither do I,” agreed Jake Katz. “That seems weird, that a movie producer would agree to let some actor’s friends be in his movie.”

  “Sheldon Felden would,” I insisted. “And Sheldon Felden did. So who wants to?”

  Nobody moved.

  “I’m serious!”

  “I think it’s safe to say that all of us would want to be in your movie,” Katie Friedman said.

  “Great!” I said. I waited for everyone to thank me and tell me how awesome I was.

  I kept waiting.

  “What are we going to do in the movie?” Jake asked finally.

  “Oh, right,” I said. “Well, we’re shooting a scene at Jookie’s, and you’ll be in the scene as, like, regular people who hang out at Jookie’s, you know, just doing normal stuff while the scene is happening.”

  “You mean, like extras?” said Nareem Ramdal.

  I was shocked. “Yes! You know what extras are?”

  Nareem looked insulted. “Of course I know what extras are. I am a big fan of the Bollywood movie tradition, in which extras play a vital if underappreciated role.”

  “So what do they do?” asked Charlie Joe.

  “Nothing,” answered Nareem, before I could think of a better way to put it.

  “So let me get this straight,” Mareli said, speaking for the first time. “You want us to be in the movie, barely noticeable and doing nothing, while you get to sit there and flirt with Shana Fox?”

  “Well, not doing nothing, technically,” I corrected her, which didn’t seem to help. I felt my face turn red. “Why does everything have to come back to Shana? I can’t help it if she’s in the movie with me!”

  “Maybe not,” said Mareli. “But you don’t have to rub my face in it all the time.”

  “I’m not! I swear!”

  Mareli stared at me. “Okay, let’s just forget it,” she said. Then she tried to smile, and walked away.

  I tried to smile, too. “I just thought it would be fun,” I said to the rest of the guys.

  Katie came up to me. “That’s actually really nice,” she said. “We appreciate it. We really do.”

  “And it does sound fun,” said Timmy. “A real movie! Cool. Thanks, Pete.”

  The more the guys talked about being in the movie, the more excited they got about it. But the one person who I actually wanted to make happy, was somewhere else—being not happy.

  Maybe Iris was right.

  Maybe I was leaving my old life behind and didn’t even know it.

  SAMMY AND THE PRINCESS, SCENE 22

  INT. SCHOOL DINING HALL—DAY

  SAMMY AND CLARISSA ARE EATING TOGETHER. CROFT CHANDLER APPROACHES THEIR TABLE

  CROFT

  Hey, guys, what’s going on?

  CLARISSA

  Hello.

  SAMMY (Uneasy)

  Hey.

  CROFT ZEROES IN ON CLARISSA

  CROFT

  So, hey, yeah, the year is almost over and I still feel like I don’t know you. Like, just because maybe I was a little rude the first time we met, you still hold it against me.

  CLARISSA

  I do not.

  CROFT

  Well, either way, I’m sorry about that.

  CLARISSA (Surprised)

  Yes. Well, that is very nice of you to say. I appreciate it, thank you.

  SAMMY

  Nice chatting with you, Croft.

  THEY WAIT FOR CROFT TO WALK AWAY, BUT HE DOESN’T.

  CROFT

  So, anyway, Clarissa, the Spring Dance is coming up, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go with me.

  CLARISSA

  Wow. That is so very kind of you, but I can’t.

  CROFT

  Why not?

  CLARISSA

  I will be with Sammy at his home.

  CROFT

  Seriously? You guys aren’t going to the Spring Dance?

  CLARISSA

  I have always wanted to spend a day with a nice American family in a nice American town, and since we have no school that day, it seemed like a good opportunity.

  SAMMY

  That’s okay. You can go with Croft if you want.

  CLARISSA (Sharply)

  Sammy! (To Croft) I am sorry, but I cannot.

  CROFT SHAKES HIS HEAD, IN SHOCK THAT SOMEONE WOULD ACTUALLY TURN HIM DOWN

  CROFT (To Sammy)

  What’s your friend’s deal? Why doesn’t she ever tell anyone where she’s from? Or how she ended up here?

  SAMMY IS TONGUE-TIED.

  CLARISSA (Jumping in)

  My father was transferred here for work.

  CROFT (Suspicious)

  Really? What’s his job?

  CLARISSA (Trying to change the subject)

  Perhaps we can go to an event another time?

  CROFT

  Yeah, whatever. See you around.

  CROFT LEAVES. SAMMY IS EMBARRASSED BUT TRIES TO LAUGH IT OFF

  SAMMY

  “Perhaps we can go to an event another time?” Seriously? That was appalling! I’m appalled!

  CLARISSA

  Sammy. You must not be so scared of him. He is an obnoxious fool.

  SAMMY

  A rich, obnoxious fool who’s twice my size.

  CLARISSA

  He will never hurt you, I promise.

  SAMMY

  Wait a second—I’m the one that’s supposed to be saying that to you!

  CLARISSA

  We are supposed to say it to each other.

  30

  CONFUSION

  FINALLY IT WAS FRIDAY—the last day of shooting in the studio, before we moved to the locations in Eastport.

  We were doing the scene where Croft asks Clarissa out in the dining hall. Shana and Dex weren’t speaking to each other off camera—she was still mad at him for dissing her a few days earlier—and so it was a little bizarre watching them fight on camera. And what was even stranger was that as my character got upset and jealous, it started to feel like it was me getting upset and jealous.

  According to Ashley, that’s called “art imitating life.”

  As soon as we wrapped for the day, Dex just left without saying goodbye. Shana tried to pretend everything was normal, but you could see the anger in her eyes. She shook her head, then smiled at me and said, “Are you as excited for dinner tonight
as I am?”

  As if things weren’t crazy enough.

  “Oh yeah, definitely.” I started taking off the jacket and tie I had to wear for almost every scene (remind me never to go to private school, by the way). “Uh, so tell me again why we’re having this dinner?”

  “My family’s in town, remember?” Shana chirped. “They’ll think you’re cute.”

  “What about Dex? Is he coming?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, no.”

  She was acting like she couldn’t care less about him. But for some reason, I didn’t quite believe her.

  Maybe she wasn’t as good of an actress as I thought.

  31

  THE SOUND CAKE MAKES WHEN IT HITS HUMAN SKIN

  “WOW!” SAID MY SISTER SYLVIA. “This place looks amazing!”

  She was talking about my parents’ restaurant. And she was right—it was practically unrecognizable. Everything looked shiny and new—the plates, the glasses, the silverware, even the cheese shakers.

  Get this—my dad actually put tablecloths on the tables.

  “Totally amazing!” my sister said again, louder. She was practically vibrating with excitement, because she was finally going to get to meet Shana Fox.

  “You can’t act like an idiot in front of her,” I said to Sylvia.

  My mom gave me a look. “Don’t talk to your sister that way.”

  “Yeah,” Sylvia said, smacking me.

  “Ow!” I howled. “You can’t hit me like that! I’m a movie star now!”

  My mom rolled her eyes. “Oh, for crying out loud.”

  “Well, I am,” I said. “Sheldon Felden told me so himself.”

  “I’m going to give you a pass because of the big dinner tonight,” my mom said. “You’re probably a little nervous.”

  “Nervous? That’s crazy,” I said, laughing nervously.

  “Well, we’ve got everything ready to go,” said my mom. “The restaurant is already crowded. We’ve got the full staff working tonight.”

  I eyed Sylvia. “Did you tell anyone that Shana was eating at the restaurant tonight? Or post something online?”

  “Of course not!” she said. Then she whacked me in the arm again. “That’s for not trusting me.”

  “You are so gonna get it after dinner,” I told her.

  My mom was right: The place was packed. Like, not just crowded. I mean, it was mobbed. Every table was filled, and there was a huge line that went out the door. There were people everywhere.

  “This is weird,” I said to myself. Somebody had obviously spilled the beans about Shana coming. But the only people I had told were my family.

  “Where are we supposed to sit?” I asked my mom.

  “Over there.” She pointed at a huge, empty table in the middle of the restaurant. A big sign on it said, “Reserved.”

  “Isn’t that a little obvious?” I said.

  “I have a feeling Shana wants to be seen,” my mom said. “Her people came in, and they decided where to sit.” She kissed us both. “I’m going to see how your father is doing in the kitchen. I’ll be back in a bit.”

  Sylvia and I sat down at the table. I checked my phone—7:25. Shana and her family were supposed to get there in five minutes.

  Twenty minutes later, they still weren’t there, and I was getting really tired of everyone staring at us.

  “Are you sure they’re coming?” Sylvia whined, for the sixty-second time.

  “Stop asking me that.”

  Fifteen minutes later, I found my parents, who were talking to someone at the bar. “Are you sure they’re coming?” I asked them.

  My parents looked at each other. “How are we supposed to know?”

  Finally, an hour late, the door to the restaurant swung open and two huge guys walked in. I recognized one of them as Shana’s bodyguard from the set. The other guy I’d never seen before. They went up to my parents and started talking to them. My dad pointed to our table.

  “I think she’s here,” I whispered to Sylvia.

  Sure enough, thirty seconds later the door opened again, and there she was. Shana Fox, the world’s biggest girl superstar, came walking into Milano’s Pizza and Pasta just like a regular person! Even though I knew it was going to happen, I still couldn’t believe it. Right behind her were two people that must have been her parents, because they were older and looked a little worn out. It occurred to me that worrying about your daughter being gawked at, written about, and pawed over must be a pretty exhausting way to live.

  Everyone in the restaurant kind of stopped talking at the same time. People pretended not to stare at her, but that just made it more obvious that they were.

  I waved. Shana saw me and waved back.

  “Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God,” Sylvia said.

  By the time Shana and her parents got to the table, my parents had somehow materialized right next to me.

  “Hi, I’m Anna Milano, and this is my husband, Vince,” said my mom. “It’s our pleasure to welcome you to Milano’s.”

  “I’m Jim Fuchs,” said Shana’s dad. “Thanks for having us.”

  “I’m Erica,” said her mom.

  “I’m Pete,” I said to them.

  Shana grinned. “And I’m Shana!”

  “D’uh,” said Sylvia, and everyone laughed. Sylvia stared at Shana and said, “Why do you have a different last name from your parents?”

  Shana shrugged. “Can’t remember. Some agent or manager decided a long time ago that Fox sounds better. It still says Fuchs on my birth certificate, though.”

  “Cool!” Sylvia said.

  We all sat down, trying to pretend that everyone else in the restaurant wasn’t watching our every move.

  “I’m sorry it’s so crazy in here,” said my mom.

  Shana’s dad shrugged. “Part of the deal,” he said. “We’re used to it.”

  “Pete, have you been having a good time being in the movie?” asked Shana’s mom.

  “Absolutely,” I said. “It was really scary at first but now it’s great. Shana has been really helpful.”

  “You don’t have to say that,” Shana said.

  I nodded. “But it’s true.”

  Sylvia was still staring at Shana. “My brother talks about you all the time,” she said. “Shana this, Shana that. I think he might have a crush on you.”

  “Sylvia!” I said.

  “He even drew a picture of you to give you as a present,” she added.

  Shana grinned. “You did?” she asked.

  I froze. The truth was, I had drawn a picture—but all of a sudden I felt shy about it.

  “Give it to her,” Sylvia said.

  I smacked her on the arm. “Quiet!”

  “Petey!” said my dad.

  “Ow!” Sylvia moaned. “That really hurt.” Then she tried to hit me back, but her arm knocked over the root beer, which spilled all over Mrs. Fuchs.

  “Oh, my goodness!” yelled my mom.

  Sylvia burst into tears. “It’s all Pete’s fault!”

  “This is going well,” Shana said, giggling, as everyone tried to clean up the mess. Other people in the restaurant were staring. I noticed Charlie Joe’s sister, Megan, and her boyfriend, two tables over. They laughed and waved.

  “Well, Sylvia, it’s funny you should bring up your brother having a crush on me,” Shana said. “Because this seems as good a time as any to announce that Pete and I are boyfriend and girlfriend.”

  Huh?

  Sylvia screamed.

  My parents looked shocked.

  Shana’s parents looked like nothing could shock them anymore.

  “Wait, what?” I said.

  “We’re boyfriend and girlfriend,” Shana repeated. “Isn’t it great?”

  “We are?”

  Shana took my hand. “I thought we should tell people now, sweetie, since we’re almost done shooting the movie.”

  Sweetie?! The only one who ever called me “sweetie” was my Great Aunt Rose.

  “I don’t remem
ber us saying we were boyfriend and girlfriend,” I protested, weakly.

  Shana batted her eyelashes at me. “You mean you don’t wanna be?”

  I could feel the whole restaurant looking at us. I thought about what my life used to be like, when I couldn’t even get any of my so-called friends to come with me to the mall, and now here I was—a star in a movie, with one of the most famous girls on the planet asking me to be her boyfriend.

  And then I thought about Mareli, and how she told me maybe it was best for the both of us if we just moved on.

  “No, I mean yeah, I do, I guess,” I said. “I do wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend.”

  “Great!” Shana exclaimed.

  Then she signaled to the big bodyguard guy I’d never seen before, and he opened the front door to the restaurant, and about twenty people with cameras rushed in.

  The cameras started going wild. In fact, there were so many clicks, and flashes, and people, that it took a minute for me to notice Mareli coming through the door, holding something in her hands.

  Behind her was the whole gang: Hannah, Katie, Charlie Joe, Eliza, Timmy, Nareem, and Jake.

  Mareli smiled at me. I smiled back. They all waved. I waved back. They started walking toward me.

  “Mareli’s here,” I said to Shana. “We need to hold off on this whole—”

  Which is when Shana kissed me.

  Right on the lips.

  Uh-oh.

  CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! FLASH! FLASH! FLASH!

  Mareli’s smile vanished as she walked faster.

  “This isn’t what it looks like,” I shouted to her, in case she could hear me through the noise.

  It wasn’t until she was right next to me that I could tell what she was holding. It was a cake.

  “Wow, is that for me?” I said. “I thought you were, like, totally mad at me.”

  “I was,” she said. “And I baked you a cake because I wanted to say I’m sorry.”