Fangs for Everything Read online

  CONTENTS

  TITLE PAGE

  DEDICATION

  AN EXTREMELY BRIEF HISTORY OF THE CRIMEBITERS

  INTRODUCTION

  PART ONE: ALL BARK, NO BITE

  CHAPTER 1

  CHAPTER 2

  CHAPTER 3

  CHAPTER 4

  CHAPTER 5

  CHAPTER 6

  CHAPTER 7

  CHAPTER 8

  PART TWO: GOING APE

  CHAPTER 9

  CHAPTER 10

  CHAPTER 11

  CHAPTER 12

  CHAPTER 13

  CHAPTER 14

  CHAPTER 15

  CHAPTER 16

  CHAPTER 17

  CHAPTER 18

  CHAPTER 19

  CHAPTER 20

  CHAPTER 21

  PART THREE: DROPPING THE BALL

  CHAPTER 22

  CHAPTER 23

  CHAPTER 24

  CHAPTER 25

  CHAPTER 26

  CHAPTER 27

  CHAPTER 28

  EPILOGUE

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  PREVIEW THE CRIMEBITERS’ FIRST CASE!

  COPYRIGHT

  Case File #1: The Bad Babysitter

  Jimmy Bishop adopts a dog, Abby. He soon realizes that she’s a crime-fighting superhero vampire dog. Jimmy forms the CrimeBiters with his best friend, Irwin Wonk; his new crush, I mean, friend, Daisy Flowers; and of course Abby. Together, they solve the Case of the Bad Babysitter and help catch the perpetrators, Barnaby Bratford and his sister, the evil Mrs. Cragg. Then they make friends with Barnaby’s son, the former bully Baxter Bratford, and he becomes the fifth CrimeBiter.

  Case File #2: The Rotten Rival

  Jimmy’s parents make Abby go to obedience school, where she becomes much better behaved but also more like other dogs. Jimmy doesn’t like that very much. Jimmy joins the lacrosse team. Irwin doesn’t like that very much. Daisy makes a new friend named Mara. Jimmy and Irwin don’t like that very much. Baxter is on the lacrosse team too, but Jimmy quickly becomes better than him. Baxter doesn’t like that very much. Then a bunch of kids on the team start getting hurt, and no one likes that very much. Luckily, the CrimeBiters discover someone is trying to hurt the kids on purpose, solve the Case of the Rotten Rival, and save the day—and everyone likes that very, very much.

  Oh, and Mrs. Cragg turns out to be nice.

  Go figure!

  Case File #3: The Krazy Kitty

  Daisy adopts a cat named Purrkins. Have you ever heard that expression “fighting like cats and dogs”? It was probably invented by people watching Abby and Purrkins, because they did not get along well at all. Meanwhile, Baxter is in danger of failing math, and someone tries to shut down Shep’s shelter, where Jimmy adopted Abby, by causing a terrible flood. This calls for the CrimeBiters! Eventually, Baxter passes the big test, the gang saves the shelter, and most shockingly of all, Abby and Purrkins become best buddies!

  THE BAD GUYS were getting away.

  “Faster, Abby!” I yelled. “You have to go faster!”

  Abby, my superhero crime-fighting vampire dog, was running like a gazelle on springs. But the bad guys were on a giant motorized skateboard, and it flew through the air at record speed. They looked back at us and cackled sarcastically through their giant orange beards. “You’ll never catch us now, losers!”

  Daisy Flowers, who was my neighbor, good friend, fellow CrimeBiter, and the most perfect human being on earth, grabbed my hand tightly. “Jimmy, we need you to save the day! You can do it!” Irwin Wonk and Baxter Bratford, the other two members of our gang, nodded desperately.

  “Come on, Jimmy, you have to do something!” pleaded Irwin.

  “We’re all counting on you!” added Baxter.

  I pointed ahead. “It’s all up to her now,” I said. We gazed far into the distance, where somehow, some way, Abby was gaining on the villains. Then, in a flash, she leaped about twenty feet in the air and landed on the back of their skateboard.

  “WHAAAA?” cried the culprits, in shock. They tried to smack Abby with the giant spear they were carrying, but Abby kept dodging them. Then ROAARRR! Out came her giant fangs.

  “Are you kidding me?” one of the evildoers yelled. “What is she, some kind of magic freak dog?”

  I smiled. Pretty much, I said to myself.

  The other meanie, who was driving, decided his only chance was to swerve back and forth, trying to get Abby to go flying off the back of the skateboard. But her powerful claws latched onto the guy’s black leather jacket. With her hind legs, she kicked both of the perpetrators in the stomach, then clamped her fangs down on the driver’s right arm.

  “ARRRGHHHH!” the malfeasant screamed. He took his eyes off the road for just a second, and that was all it took to send them crashing into the thicket of bushes, trees, and dirt.

  I felt a jolt in my stomach. “Oh no! Abby might be hurt!”

  All four of us CrimeBiters sprinted to where the skateboard had gone off the road. We split up and plowed through the branches and bushes, trying to find them.

  “Over here!” called Baxter. “They’re over here!”

  We rushed to where he stood in a small clearing. Baxter pointed down, and there were the two lawbreakers, sprawled on the ground, their ill-gotten goodies strewn around them.

  And lying right on top of them? None other than my very own Abby, her white fangs gleaming in the sun and her cape-like streak of black fur shining like a suit of armor.

  “We give up,” said one of the malefactors. “She’s too much for us.”

  Abby had saved the day! She’d done it again!

  I ran up and gave her a giant hug. “You’re the greatest crime-fighting superhero vampire dog in the whole world!”

  We all started cheering, “Abby! Abby! Abby! Abby!”

  Then, amazingly enough, the others changed the chant to “Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy!” I couldn’t believe it! They were cheering for me!

  “Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy … Jimmy … Jimmy …”

  “Jimmy? Jimmy? Hey, Jimmy, wake up!”

  Huh? Where am I?

  Oohhhhhhh …

  I rubbed my eyes. Irwin and Daisy were staring down at me.

  “Oh, hey, you guys,” I said. “I’m not sure what happened.”

  Irwin clucked his tongue disapprovingly. “I know what happened. You were supposed to meet us to do homework an hour ago, but you fell asleep in your front yard.”

  I looked around and saw Abby snoozing under a big tree. She looked about as far from catching bad guys as you can get. “Uh, yeah, I guess I dozed off. Sorry about that.”

  “Were you dreaming about Abby?” Irwin said, with an accusing tone to his voice. “You were mumbling in your sleep, saying something like, ‘You’re the greatest crime-fighting superhero vampire dog in the whole world!’ ”

  “Really?” I said, feeling a tingle of embarrassment start to crawl up my skin. “That seems hard to believe.”

  “No, that’s exactly what you said,” Irwin confirmed.

  Daisy smiled sweetly. “I think it’s adorable that you still think your dog has crime-fighting vampire superpowers, Jimmy,” she said. “Usually people grow out of that kind of stuff, but you’re, like, a true believer, which is awesome.”

  I know she was trying to make me feel better, but it kind of had the opposite effect.

  Because I knew what she really thought was that I was behaving like an immature little kid. And I was starting to think she was right.

  PROFILE

  Name: Jimmy Bishop

  Age: The same age I was in the first book, except maybe a little older

  Occupation: President of the CrimeBiters

  Interests: See above<
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  PROFILE

  Name: Irwin Wonk

  Age: Two months older than me, which he loves to mention whenever possible

  Occupation: Vice-president of the CrimeBiters

  Interests: Wishing he were president of the CrimeBiters

  IRWIN WONK AND I have been best friends since as long as I can remember. He also happens to have the most awesome trampoline in all of Quietville.

  The two things are not related.

  I swear.

  The day after my little nap break, I was over at Irwin’s house after school, bouncing up and down and telling him my innermost thoughts. “Could you believe Daisy yesterday? She was basically talking to me as if I were three years old and believed in fairy tales. Just because I happen to know that Abby has special qualities! I mean, what’s with her?”

  But Irwin, who didn’t like jumping on the trampoline—I know, what a waste, right?—wasn’t even listening to me. He was sitting off to the side, staring down at a brochure. “Holy smokes—Amazing Andy has fourteen different species, and he’s bringing them all to my house!”

  “Huh? Who?”

  “Amazing Andy!” Irwin thrust the brochure in my direction. “He’s going to be the entertainment at my birthday party next week!”

  “Oh,” I said, realizing there was no way Irwin was going to pay any attention to me and my problems.

  FACT: When someone is planning their own birthday party, they pretty much don’t want to talk about anything else.

  I hopped off the trampoline. “Can I see that?”

  Irwin handed me the brochure. AMAZING ANDY AND HIS AWESOME ANIMALS blared a giant headline. HE’LL TURN YOUR PARTY INTO A REAL ZOO! Inside, it said that Amazing Andy and his assistant, Reptile Ron, would bring all sorts of exotic animals right into your own home, where you could observe them, pet them, and even hold them.

  “Are you sure this is safe?” I asked, pointing at a picture of a kid holding a giant snake.

  Irwin snickered. “Of course it’s safe! He’s, like, the most popular birthday entertainer in the whole state!”

  “Well, it sounds pretty cool,” I said, feeling a little annoyed that my last birthday party featured a miniature water slide and not much else. I suddenly had a thought that cheered me up. “Hey, can Abby come? She would totally love to see all these awesome animals!”

  “Is that a joke?” Irwin snorted. “Absolutely not. That’s, like, the worst idea ever.”

  “It is NOT,” I insisted, even though I pretty much knew it was.

  Irwin gazed dreamily up to the sky. “Now I just have to decide what kind of cake I want. Originally I was thinking ice cream, but then I remembered Isaac makes a coconut chocolate cream pie that is absolutely to die for.”

  “To die for? What does that mean?”

  Irwin rolled his eyes. “It means delicious. Everyone knows that.”

  I rolled mine right back. “Well, I definitely think you should go the Isaac route.” Isaac was this genius baker who started out at the farmer’s market but had recently opened his own small shop in downtown Quietville. If you’ve never had one of his chocolate chip cookies, you’re missing out on one of the great joys in life.

  “I’ll think about it,” Irwin said, as if he were making a decision that would change the course of human history.

  “You do that,” I said. Sometimes best friends can be annoying. Especially when they are planning their own birthday parties.

  BZZZZ! Irwin’s phone buzzed with a text. He looked at it, and his eyes went wide with excitement. “It’s Daisy!” I immediately checked my phone to see if she’d texted me too. She hadn’t. My annoyance turned into stronger annoyance.

  “What does she want?”

  Irwin held his phone close to his chest as if it held some sort of top secret message. “She wants to know what we’re up to.”

  I felt a bit of relief in my chest. At least she didn’t think I was too immature to hang around with. Phew.

  Irwin started typing. “Not much … Why …?”

  He hit SEND, and we both sat there, not saying a word. There was no point trying to pretend to have a conversation when all we wanted to know was what Daisy was going to say next.

  BZZZZ!

  We stared at Irwin’s phone.

  WHY DON’T YOU GUYS COME DOWN TO THE BOYS BASKETBALL GAME? I’M HERE!

  We both scratched our heads at the same time.

  “Why would she want us to go down to the basketball game?” Irwin asked. “And what’s she doing there?”

  “Beats me.” I hopped back up onto the trampoline. If we were going to meet Daisy at the game—and I was pretty sure we were—then I wanted to get a few last jumps in.

  FACT: If Daisy Flowers asks you to do something, chances are very, very good that you’re going to do it.

  Irwin gathered up all his birthday preparation materials. “What color balloons do you think I should have?” he yelled out to me, but I pretended not to hear him.

  I’M A GOALIE at lacrosse—and a pretty good one, if I do say so myself—but other than that, sports and I don’t get along too well. And basketball? Well, let’s just say that the last time I made a basket in gym, the whole school celebrated with a marching band and a ticker tape parade.

  I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m pretty much the last guy you’d expect to show up at a basketball game. To play in, or to watch.

  And by the way, everything I just said? That goes double for Irwin.

  But there we were, walking into the Quietville Recreation Center, which was filled with kids, parents, friends, and relatives, all of whom loved basketball.

  It felt like entering a foreign country where I didn’t speak the language.

  The first thing I saw was Chad Knight running down the floor with the ball.

  PROFILE

  Name: Chad Knight

  Age: He looks 12, but he plays sports like he’s 28

  Occupation: Winning at everything

  Interests: Basketball, soccer and, believe it or not, ballroom dancing

  Chad, who was the best lacrosse player on our team until he gave it up for ballroom dancing, was a total basketball stud. He looked like a man among boys out there.

  “Go to the hoop!” yelled the coach. “You got this!”

  Chad whirled, twirled, spun around, and stopped. Then he faked a shot, which made the guy covering him practically jump out of his shoes. Chad watched the defender fly by, then calmly passed to his teammate, John D’Agostino, who made an easy layup.

  “That’s the way!” the coach exclaimed as everyone in the gym roared. “Great play!”

  The cheerleaders went into their post-basket cheer:

  “What a shot! What a score! Now all we want is a whole lot more!”

  I shook my head. “Is there anything goofier than cheerleading? Standing there, jumping around, yelling ‘you’re the best’ to a bunch of kids you barely know?”

  “I don’t know,” Irwin said. “You seem to like it a lot when they’re cheering for you at the lacrosse games.”

  I didn’t respond, which was my way of saying Good point.

  Irwin squinted, which he did a lot, even though he wore glasses. “Hey, wait a second. Whoa.”

  “Whoa what?”

  He pointed across the gym. “Whoa that.”

  I looked. Then I rubbed my eyes. Then I looked again.

  No.

  It can’t be.

  There, right in the middle of the cheerleaders I was just making fun of, was none other than Daisy Flowers.

  That’s right.

  Our Daisy Flowers.

  “No way,” I said.

  “Yes way,” Irwin answered.

  “But she hates cheerleading.”

  “Guess not.”

  Without another word, I started making my way over to the other side of the gym. Irwin trailed behind me, asking, “What are you going to do? What are you going to say?” But I didn’t answer. There was this weird feeling starting to bubble up
inside me, and I had no idea why. All I knew was, it wasn’t good.

  I waved at a few kids and a few parents I recognized, but I didn’t stop to chat. As we got closer, Daisy’s friend Mara Lloyd, who was also a cheerleader, spotted us first. She tugged on Daisy’s sleeve. “Look! It’s Jimmy and Irwin!”

  Daisy’s face broke out into a big smile. “You guys made it! Yay!”

  PROFILE

  Name: Daisy Flowers

  Age: When you’re perfect, does it really matter?

  Occupation: Occupying my thoughts way too much of the time

  Interests: Cheerleading, apparently

  I was too shocked to speak, but Irwin covered for me. “We sure did,” he said. “We were wondering why you wanted us to come down to the basketball game, but now we get it.”

  Daisy grinned again. “Well, yup. Here I am.”

  I was finally ready to talk. “What’s this all about? This is pretty much the last place I expected to find you, and the last thing I expected you to be doing.” As I listened to myself, I realized I sounded like a father scolding his child. But I couldn’t help it.

  “I know, right?” Daisy let out a slightly embarrassed giggle. “I’ve always thought cheerleading was ridiculous. I mean, why should girls cheer for boys, if boys don’t cheer for girls? That’s hardly fair.”

  “So why are you doing it, then?”

  Daisy shrugged. “My mom is kind of making me. She said I had to be more physically active. She wanted me to play a sport, but I’m not really a big sports person, so we compromised on this.” Daisy grabbed Mara’s hand. “Besides, I have some friends on the squad, so it’s kind of fun.”

  “Kind of?” squealed Mara. “It’s, like, the most fun ever!”

  I rolled my eyes, which Daisy caught. “What?” she said. “What’s so bad about it? You love the cheerleaders at your lacrosse games, right?”

  “That’s what I said!” Irwin chimed in. “And besides, I think it’s totally cool that you’re doing it.”

  I shrugged. “Whatever.” It didn’t make sense that I was mad at Daisy for becoming a cheerleader—I didn’t even understand it myself—so I definitely wasn’t going to make a thing about it.

  Just then, the other team came sprinting down the court, and some kid looked like he was about to make a shot. But out of nowhere, Chad came swooping in and swatted the ball out of the kid’s hands. Then he grabbed it and stormed down to the other end, where he made a shot from the foul line.