Pete Milano's Guide to Being a Movie Star Read online

  “Already?!”

  “Yup. We rehearse as we go.”

  “Jeez.” A pit formed in my stomach as I tried to imagine what that would be like. All those people with headphones and walkie-talkies staring at me! The most experience I’d had with a camera was when Eric Cunkler made an iPhone movie called The Many Dumb Faces of Pete Milano.

  “You’ll be fine,” Ashley said.

  “Or not,” I said.

  I heard a voice behind me. “Pete! Pete! Pete Milano!” I turned around and saw Shana walking quickly toward me, followed by some people who probably worked for her doing something, although I have no idea what that something was. The only guy I recognized was a giant guy named Hector, who was carrying Shana’s tiny Chihuahua, named Bear. I think that was Hector’s only job.

  “Pete!” Shana sang out again.

  So she finally remembered my name.

  My first thought was that I’d done something wrong, that Shana decided there’d been a mistake and there was no way I could be in this movie with her. But before I could apologize for the terrible misunderstanding, she wrapped me in a big hug and kissed both my cheeks. (One at a time.)

  “Pete! My goodness! You are very talented!”

  “I am?”

  “You sure are! Hey, can you come to my trailer for a few minutes? I want to show you something.”

  I looked at Ashley. She looked back at me like, You don’t say no to Shana Fox.

  “Uh, well I kind of need to get home to do homework, but sure, I guess for a little while.”

  “Great! Come with me.”

  “Pete’s car will be here in ten minutes,” Ashley said.

  Shana rolled her eyes. “What is this, jail?” Then she giggled and tugged my arm. “Let’s go.”

  We weaved through people, equipment, and tables of food as we worked our way to the other end of the studio lot. Finally, we turned the corner, and I saw what had to be one of the only pink mobile homes ever made. It was definitely the biggest pink mobile home ever made.

  “Wow,” I said. “It’s … uh … it’s really pink.”

  “I know,” Shana said. “Isn’t she gorgeous? My mom named her Oasis. I take her with me on every shoot.”

  “What does Oasis mean?”

  “I’m not really sure,” Shana said, scrunching up her face. “I think, like, vacation or something.”

  She gave her various assistants a quick glance, and they vanished like the wind. I followed her into the trailer and was nearly blinded by the amount of glitter covering everything—the couches, the mirrors, even the dog bowl.

  “Take a seat,” Shana said. I looked around before finally deciding to sit in a beanbag chair covered with pink fur.

  “Thanks,” I said. “Where’s Hector taking Bear?”

  “The manicurist.”

  “Oh.”

  We sat there for a minute, Shana just smiling at me.

  “Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?” I asked.

  She immediately burst into tears.

  I couldn’t believe it. “Shana! Are you okay? What happened?”

  She answered with more sobbing.

  “Was it something I said?” I asked, even though I hadn’t said anything.

  “My boyfriend hates me!” Shana wailed.

  “Huh? What?”

  “Dex! He totally hates me!”

  I had the sudden feeling that I was somewhere I shouldn’t have been, and I should probably leave immediately. But that feeling was quickly overwhelmed by another feeling, the one where I remembered I was sitting in a pink trailer with a blubbering Shana Fox, and this was going to make a great story to tell the guys back at school.

  “I doubt that,” I offered.

  “He does! He totally ignored me during the table read. He thinks I’m too young for him, that I’m just a kid. I think he only liked me in the first place because I’m famous. Like, d’uh! Only the most famous person on the planet!”

  Shana picked up a silk, golden-threaded handkerchief, which had the initials SAF sewn into it, and blew her nose loudly.

  “Well, he’s only sixteen and you’re fifteen, right?”

  “Actually, he’s seventeen,” she sniffled.

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah,” Shana said. She was starting to calm down. “It’s better for actors’ careers if we stay, like, young and innocent forever. And my parents and management team totally don’t want me to date an older guy.”

  “Oh.” I wanted to ask what a management team was, but was somehow able to stop myself.

  Shana sniffled, then tried to smile. “How old are you?”

  “Me?” I said, stalling. “Oh. Um, fourteen.” Which was very close to true, since I was technically in my fourteenth year of life.

  “Do you think I should break up with Dex?” Shana asked. By now she was sitting on the floor right next to my beanbag chair, twirling the little pink feathery things that hung down from the back.

  “Uh … I don’t really know, to tell you the truth.”

  Shana stood up suddenly. “Oh, Pete, you’re so cute!” Then she bent over, kissed my cheek, and ran out of the trailer.

  I waited a minute. Then another. And another.

  Finally I stood up and went to the door. Ashley was standing there, reading her phone.

  “I don’t think she’s coming back,” I said.

  Ashley nodded without looking up. “Ready for me to walk you to your car?”

  “Yes, please.”

  And with that, my first day as a professional actor came to an end.

  19

  THINGS START TO GET WEIRD

  WHEN I GOT HOME THAT NIGHT, I wasn’t Pete Milano, regular kid, anymore.

  I was Pete Milano, movie star.

  It started when I walked in the door. Two seconds later, my mom was running down the hall.

  “Petey’s home!” she shrieked.

  “Mom? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you downstairs at the restaurant?”

  “I wanted to see my little boy!” she said, pinching my cheek.

  I was confused. “Why are you acting like grandma?”

  The next thing I knew, my dad was running down the hall.

  “Petey!” His shriek was lower.

  “Dad?! Huh? Seriously, what are you guys doing up here?” But he just shook his head, smiling and taking a video with his iPhone.

  Sylvia was next, jumping into my arms like I was the greatest brother in the world, as opposed to the brother who’d spent the last six years tickling her armpits until she couldn’t breathe.

  “Okay,” I said, finally. “What’s going on?”

  “We’re just happy to see you, that’s all!” said my mom.

  But the real surprise was waiting in the kitchen, where Mareli was standing in front of a total feast.

  “What’s all this?” I asked. “What’s going on?”

  “I wanted to cook for you,” she said. “I made all my favorite foods from back home. Plantains, mofongo, asopao. My mom helped me cook. I hope you like it.”

  “I love a woman who knows her way around a kitchen,” said my mom. “Let’s eat!”

  We all sat down, and my dad pointed to his seat at the head of the table.

  “I want you to sit there,” he said. “It’s a special occasion.”

  The food was a little weird, but I tried not to notice.

  “Mmm, delicious,” I said.

  Then I noticed no one was talking. Everyone was just looking at me.

  “So tell us what happened today!” Sylvia said.

  “Was it fun?” asked my mom.

  “How many famous people did you meet?” asked my dad.

  More looking at me.

  “It was good,” I said. “But … uh … I actually…”

  I stood up.

  “I actually have a lot of lines to learn tonight, plus I have some homework, so I need to go study.”

  “Homework?” my dad said. I don’t think he’d ever heard me use tha
t word before. Which is because I never had used that word before.

  “Yeah,” I said. “Didn’t mom tell you about our meeting with Mrs. Sleep? I’m pretty sure she’s going to be keeping an eye on me, so I need to make sure I keep up with my studies.” Another word I’d never used.

  “That makes sense,” said Mareli, but she was clearly not thrilled.

  Everything I was saying was true. I did have to learn my lines, and I did have homework, and Mrs. Sleep did say she wanted to be sure I could handle going to school half days.

  But the real reason I wanted to go to my room?

  I was uncomfortable.

  Because here I was, the night before I was going to officially start acting in a big Hollywood movie—and for the first time in my life, I felt like I didn’t want to be the center of attention.

  What is that about?

  20

  ACTOR TO ACTOR

  DID YOU KNOW that you can go through your whole middle school life and avoid some of the teachers entirely?

  For example, there were two teachers—a science teacher, Mrs. Rensler, and a woodshop teacher, Mr. Cassano—whom I’d barely ever met. We would basically nod hello to each other in the hall, and that was about it.

  But that was before I was Pete Milano, movie star.

  “Hi there, Pete!” Mrs. Rensler said, as I shot baskets at recess. “Having a good day?”

  “Sure, I guess,” I said.

  She beamed. “Terrific!”

  Mr. Cassano didn’t say hello. Instead, he held up his hand for a high-five as I walked down the hall between third and fourth periods.

  “Dude!” he said.

  Dude?

  I slapped his hand. “Hey, Mr. Cassano.”

  “Great to see you!”

  It had never been particularly great to see me before, but whatever.

  “You too,” I said politely.

  But it wasn’t until I was standing in the lunch line that I had my weirdest teacher moment of all. Mr. Twipple, the drama teacher, was gathering up the various nuts and berries he ate for lunch every day, when he looked up and saw me.

  “Oh, hey Pete. Got a minute?”

  “Uh, sure, I guess.”

  Mr. Twipple had never asked me for a second before, much less a minute. But that was then. This was now.

  “Pete, have you ever thought about taking my drama class?”

  I ate a French fry off my tray. “Not really.”

  “Well, I think it might be time,” Mr. Twipple said. “Not only that, I want you to try out for the school play. It’s called The Race to Erase, and it’s about the man who invented the pencil eraser.”

  I tried not to laugh. Mr. Twipple was famous for his shows. His last one—Paper Tiger, about the man who invented paper towels—featured dancing Kleenex.

  “Well actually Mr. Twipple, I’m kind of busy these days.”

  “Of course you are!” He leaned in closer, and I noticed a kind of desperate look in his eyes. “Listen, Pete, I’m having a tough time getting the kids to go out for this one. Maybe it’s the subject matter, I don’t know. In my day, kids loved erasers—but now with all the computers and cell phones, they don’t even know what an eraser is!” He took a sip of his carrot juice. “So anyway, think about it. Whatever you can do.” He picked up his tray and scurried away.

  Charlie Joe walked over from the chocolate milk section. “What was that about?”

  “Mr. Twipple wants me to go out for his play.”

  “No way!”

  “Way.”

  “Are you gonna do it? Coz if you will, I will.”

  I looked at Charlie Joe. Believe it or not, he had the same look in his eye that Mr. Twipple had. And Mrs. Rensler, and Mr. Cassano.

  The look that says, You’re important, and I want you to like me!

  “Probably not,” I told Charlie Joe. “Like I told Mr. Twipple, I’m really busy.”

  “Oh right,” Charlie Joe said. “I get it.”

  And that was the moment I realized that things can change really fast. All of a sudden, I wasn’t the obnoxious, annoying friend anymore. I wasn’t the kid that people tolerated for entertainment value but didn’t really consider a good friend. I wasn’t the one asking the other kids what was going on after school. I wasn’t on the outside looking in.

  I was dead center. Smack in the middle!

  It felt kind of awesome!

  But—and it seems like there’s always a but—the awesome part only lasted about half a day.

  Which is when I went from being Pete Milano, movie star, to Pete Milano, the kid who thinks he’s too cool to hang around with the regular people.

  It started at the end of lunch, when Jake Katz and Nareem Ramdal asked me if I wanted to play video games after school, and I told them I couldn’t, because I was shooting the movie.

  It got worse between English and Math, when Timmy showed me a picture of his new trampoline and asked me if I wanted to come over the next day and try it out. I told him I couldn’t, because I had a publicity photo shoot.

  And then, during gym, Mareli reminded me we had plans to go to the mall on Saturday. Uh-oh. For that one, I just stalled.

  It went on like that all day until science lab. Mr. Trenchler was going through the safety precautions for the 5,398th time when the hall monitor came in to pull me out of school.

  Uh-oh.

  As I made my way past all the other kids, I heard Charlie Joe say, “So let me get this straight: Pete’s too busy to be our friend, but not too busy to skip science? Something’s not right here.”

  I felt all the other kids looking at me the same way.

  “Good luck with your first day of shooting,” Mareli said. I smiled—at least I had one friend left.

  “Thanks,” I answered.

  “You can tell me all about it at the mall on Saturday,” she said.

  I decided to come clean. “It turns out I can’t go. I have to go to a costume fitting with Shana. It’s the only day she can do it. I’m really sorry.”

  Mareli’s face dropped. “Well, she’s the star,” she said, with an edge in her voice, “and we can’t keep the star waiting. Thanks for telling me.”

  I couldn’t get out of that classroom fast enough.

  Like I said—things can change really quickly.

  SAMMY AND THE PRINCESS, SCENE 13

  INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY—DAY

  SAMMY AND PRINCESS CLARISSA ARE STUDYING IN THE LIBRARY. SITTING ONE TABLE AWAY ARE CROFT CHANDLER AND HIS FRIENDS.

  CLARISSA (Whispers)

  Those boys are being extremely noisy.

  SAMMY

  They specialize in noise. They’re professional noise specialists.

  CLARISSA GIGGLES

  CLARISSA

  You are funny. Thank you for making me laugh.

  SAMMY

  Well, I’m a professional laugh specialist. Happy to help.

  CLARISSA LAUGHS AGAIN, A BIT LOUDER. THIS TIME, CROFT NOTICES. HE COMES OVER.

  CROFT

  Hey, what’s so funny? Am I missing something good over here?

  SAMMY

  Nah, we’re just studying.

  CROFT (Eyeing Clarissa)

  I’ve noticed you around for a few weeks, but I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of making your acquaintance.

  CLARISSA

  I’m sorry?

  SAMMY

  He’s saying he wants to meet you. (Sighs) Croft Chandler, I’d like you to meet Clarissa … Clarissa … (He’s stumped by the length of her name)

  CLARISSA STANDS UP

  CLARISSA

  Clarissa Du Roi. Nice to meet you.

  CROFT AND CLARISSA SHAKE HANDS

  CROFT

  What kind of a name is Du Roi?

  SAMMY

  She’s a pr—

  CLARISSA (Interrupting)

  Proud transfer student!

  CROFT IS CHECKING CLARISSA OUT—AND HE LIKES WHAT HE SEES

  CROFT

  Well, hope you’re
enjoying Bainbridge Prep, Clarissa. Tell me something, though—why are you hanging around with this kid? He’s not exactly a superstar, if you know what I mean.

  CLARISSA

  I like Sammy. He makes me laugh.

  CROFT

  Okay, well, whatever. (He winks at her) We’ve got nothing but time, right? See you around, Clarissa the proud transfer student.

  CROFT WALKS BACK TO HIS TABLE, STILL LOOKING AT HER

  SAMMY (To Clarissa)

  What was that about?

  CLARISSA

  What?

  SAMMY

  You didn’t want to tell him you were a princess?

  CLARISSA

  Of course not! I never want anyone to know I’m a princess. Because people treat you different. They want to be around you for all the wrong reasons. It’s almost as if they don’t care what you’re really like.

  SAMMY

  But I don’t get it. You told me you were a princess, like, five minutes after I met you.

  SHE LOOKS AT HIM INTENSELY

  CLARISSA

  I know. I guess I felt like I could count on you or something. Like you understood.

  SAMMY LOOKS OVER AT CROFT, WHO IS POINTING AT CLARISSA AND LAUGHING WITH HIS BUDDIES. SAMMY SUDDENLY BECOMES DETERMINED TO PROTECT HER FROM THEM.

  SAMMY

  You can definitely count on me. For anything.

  21

  READY FOR NOTHING

  THE FIRST THING I learned at the beginning of shooting was that they don’t start at the beginning.

  When I got to the studio, Ashley told me we were shooting the scene where Clarissa and Sammy bump into Croft at the library.

  “But that’s like, way into the movie,” I said.

  “Yup,” Ashley answered. “Just another kooky thing about the movie business.”

  We headed over to the food table, which everyone called “craft services” for some reason. Dex was there, drinking some weird green drink.

  “Yo, little man,” he said to me. “Ready to rock and roll?”